I AM A BISEXUAL 21 YEAR OLD CHAIN SMOKING, TATTOOED, PIERCED FEMINAZI AND CHRONIC PAIN VETERAN OF 13 YEARS.... SO MY QUESTION TO YOU IS CAN YOU HANDLE THIS SHIT?
So it’s been a bad few months since the almost-broke-a-toe incident, shit has gotten worse, of course. I waited an hour, got walked to the other side of the building for a consult and then waited so more before my doc could see me. I went to the doctors for a refill of hydrocodone, just hydrocodone. Bitch was all ‘I don’t want someone this young relying on drugs’ *eye twitches*
She said “The stym isn’t working?” It is working thanks very much but while it helps (oh baby does it help) it isn’t a cure all for me at least.
I was crying from pain, exhaustion, and a long delayed freakout. This did not help my case at all.
I just…. Durring a heat wave I was having problems (heat bad cold good for me weird I know…)okay I was so out of it I kind of left my foot in a bucket of ice for too long and MAY have gotten a touch of frostbite. I didn’t notice it really, the pain was less I didn’t’ give a damn about anything else. Anywhooo now it looks gnarly scabs where the blisters were from the cold and the water. Not pretty and not fun. But also NOT what I was there to talk about. I was there to talk about the RSD pain and instead she went on a lecture/rant about my negligence asked if I wanted to hurt myself like I intended for the frostbite to happen. Said I need to see my shrink more often.
Why thank you doctor obvious, I did try but instead I got waylaid by the massive amounts of pain you don’t give me enough hydrocodone to even take the edge off. The same unrelenting pain I had to use so much Ice to compensate for lack of medication.
The same hydrocodone she looked at me like an addict when I asked for more. I’m an idiot, I try and muscle through the pain most of the time, I use the hyrdo sparingly and only when I am beyond desperate.
Sure I was stupid not to go to the docs when I suspected mild frostbite but I could barely move at that point and having people poke and prod at me was not exactly an appealing concept. Truth told I didn’t even consider it until yesterday I was that swamped by pain. But I don’t’ think that was reason enough for my doctor to rant at me, say she obviously can’t help me, and proceed to kick me while I’m down. Because doing that is obviously the proper treatment for someone sobbing in pain *growls*
She said “This is the most dysfunctional I’ve ever seen you” or something along those lines it sounded like “utterly useless basket case” to me. Her face…. her tone…. I did not appreciate any of it. The one time I break down in 13 years and she writes me off as a nutcase hurting myself intentionally and a drug addict! I’m one pissed off RSD sufferer.
Now I’m off to have more people poke and prod at me. Wish me luck?
So I am going to explode. I’m still in supermegaouchy pain and I’m still trying to live my life while going through the Flare of Doom…. well living my life whilst my foot is in a bucket of freezing water. Cold helps heat hurts, yes I know it’s backwards for RSD.
Anyhow I am at that fun phase of “I’m not screaming because I’m on meds” with a little bit of “Can’t think now, please leave a message” thrown in for fun.
Living my life includes:
…. I am doomed.
I decided to try it because I can’t exactly make my way out to the clubs or bars, people in bookstores are too quiet, and it seemed like a good idea in my medicated mind…. that and it was distracting myself from the supermegaouchy pain. I now have a phobia of it.
Not because of a bad experience. No. Because of a deluge of people! Too much it’s too much! I woke up with 6 new messages in my inbox. From 6 new people, that’s not counting the 5 from last night. I’m having a panic attack!
……Okay okay so two are REALLY not going to happen but the rest? They seem like good people…..they were even really nice and understanding about the RSD and when I had to stop a conversation mid way…. where do I go from here?
So I’m going to post one of THOSE. The dreaded “I’m in pain posts” But hey we post them because we’re about to explode from keeping the pain inside, hidden, to not worry the people around us… or to not get their pity. I loathe their pity.
So I would like to start by saying I’m a asshat. I did something so cliche as falling in the shower. The detail is I slammed my bad foot against the side of the metal tub so hard I thought I broke at least one toe. The only reason I’m able to write this now is because of the drugs. Without them the pain is at that fun level of “I’m too busy not-screaming to think.”
So to avoid said potentially broken toe healing crooked I went to have it checked out. I actually connected to using a wheelchair… I haven’t done that in years! Anyhow the doctor was fascinated with RSD, he had the childish expression some docs have of “I want to poke it…. I REALLY want to poke it!” Luckily he didn’t because I was already calculating the distance between my cane and his head. :P
The toe isn’t broken so says the x-ray (and man did getting an x-ray take me down memory lane back to when they were trying to figure out what was wrong with me!) My mom, bless her paranoid heart, was so afraid the x-ray tech would touch my foot that she kept popping her head in between x-rays. The man almost called security I swear! He was not a happy camper and took it out on me via lecturing. Troublesome man.
So luckily there were no breaks, the doctor didn’t poke my foot (though he really wanted to) and all that is wrong with me is a massive flare of RSD. Peachy Keen I’ve dealt with that before, I can do it again.
Not only that I managed to pull of that torturous journey with a wry grin and humor, making random people smile, complimenting nurses on their cute scrubs. Wishing other patients well, and livening up the waiting room. Which I think must always be done…. Those places are too creepy quiet, I know everyone in them feels like crap, but it is a rare community bound together with feeling like crap and being bored, that’s enough of a start for conversation to me. Plus you always have that line that sounds like you’re in jail “So What’re you in for?”
Alright so I tried the “get more followers” thing. And I’m not impressed. I’m sure that if you wanted a bunch of random people ignoring your posts when they pop up on your dash it’d be great! And lets not forget that illusion of popularity.
I don’t know about you but I’d rather have people who actually listen when I … type. Read when I type? Anyhow. I’m really grateful for the few people that DO follow me, I’d like to be closer friends with you to be honest, but I’m glad something I said resonated with you enough to click that little button. :D
Feel free to reblog or like if you agree.